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Motherlode

Motherlode of the NYT is one of my favorite blogs– along with The Atlantic’s “The Sexes.”
After the Paul Tudor Jones fracas, I wrote an essay as a reaction. To my delight, they published it today.
The headline is more extreme than my view, but I don’t write the headlines.
I also realize that by focusing on one thing– nursing– I am alienating parents who adopt, which too wasn’t my intent but goes with the polemic op-ed territory, so I’ll cop to that.
As always, I won’t read the comments– for a while anyway.
Finally, Naina, this is for you!!! Thank you.

 

June 4, 2013, 4:39 pm 5 Comments
Breast Feeding Killed My Focus on Work. I Don’t Miss It.
By SHOBA NARAYAN

Years ago, when I lived on the Upper West Side, I used to have coffee with a bunch of mothers from my daughter’s school — the Philosophy Day School, “opposite Mayor Bloomberg’s house,” as we used to tell the taxi drivers. We would drop our children off in the morning and walk around the corner to drink mediocre brew and forge connections at Nectar Cafe.

Over weeks and months, we got to know one another. Selena used to work in Spain for the fashion brand Loewe. Charlotte had quit her job as a commodities trader when her third daughter was born. Megan had given up immigration law and worked as a docent part-time. I had graduated from the Columbia Journalism School and worked as a freelancer for… well, anyone who would take me. We were, in other words, the archetypal women whom the billionaire trader Paul Tudor Jones mocked last month in his speech at the University of Virginia: women whose laserlike focus on work was “overwhelmed” by motherhood. We were women with babies to bosoms, reminiscing about the hard-charging past lives we had traded to stay home and raise our children.

We were loud of laugh and brash of opinion. Sometimes, we marveled at how firebrands like us had ended up as traditional wives and mothers, holding the fort while our husbands traveled. It was our choice, we told ourselves. Most days, we believed it. We were smart, fiercely independent feminists who had compromised for the sake of the greater good: our families, our children. It was temporary, this exile of ours — until the kids grew up a bit; until our spouses traveled less; until we got that dual degree; until we found our calling; until I got my green card.

A funny thing happened on the way to my citizenship. Years passed. None of us “soccer moms” went back to work — a situation I would encounter again and again when I moved to Singapore, and then to India. Women who had met their husbands while earning their M.B.A. at Wharton, women who had graduated at the top of their law school, women who were smarter than their husbands and had made more money while dating, turned it all in to stay home and raise babies. We lost that killer instinct — that ruthlessness Mr. Jones alluded to when he said that mothers would never make good traders.

As a feminist who believes herself to be equal to any man, it is easy for me to take umbrage at Mr. Jones’s remarks. As a mother who enjoyed having babies to bosom, it is difficult for me not to nod in agreement. When you are caught up with a baby — your baby — the world does fall away. Petty competitions do not make sense any more. Trading does seem like small change relative to the rich rewards of motherhood.

I find myself drawn to a small phrase in Mr. Jones’s diatribe that nobody seems to have noticed or remarked on. Forget the female body references that got everyone’s goat. (“As soon as that baby’s lips touched that girl’s bosom, forget it.”) Forgive the finality with which he dismissed women’s futures as traders — “never,” “period.” Focus instead on the relationship that Jones described in poetic terms: “the most beautiful experience, which a man will never share, about the connection between that mother and that baby.” Do you hear the envy in that phrase? Do you hear the longing of a parent who wants to experience that “connection”? I do.

I realize that my happy experience with breast-feeding (I nursed both my daughters for two years) will not apply to everyone. I have friends who hated nursing their children, and I have other friends to whom the notion of having babies, let alone being stuck at home with them, was torture. But I do believe that this connection mothers share with their children gives them intangible, immeasurable fulfillment. I suspect that sensitive men recognize this bond and envy it, that they feel what Viktor Frankl called “the existential vacuum.”

O.K., maybe I am exaggerating. Or maybe I am gloating.

By feeling insulted, we are allowing Mr. Jones and his world to dictate the parameters of the debate. Why not change the paradigm? Why not celebrate the connection that he describes instead of bristling at it?

In our race to keep up with men, we women have forgotten the joys that are given only to us. We should revel in motherhood instead of discounting it. Instead of rapping Mr. Jones on the knuckles, we should smile serenely at the glories that are denied him. Instead of saying, “Sexist son of a dog,” we should say, “Suck on that, baby — no pun intended.”

50 comments

  1. Oh My Word!!!
    This is *quite* the discussion. I could write so much, but it looks like Vinay and Naina – true to their style – have covered most of what I have to say.
    Krish – I simply cannot believe you offended NS!! We regulars obviously banter about various things and eventually somehow come to some sort of agreement … and I’ve always viewed NS as the moderating voice in the crowd.
    Reading all this, it’s clear NS is right – you know very little about this topic. Yet you waltz in with your self-aggrandizing point of view just poking and denigrating those who are doing something. It’s frankly disgusting. But for your age I would have said something else.
    Your attitude isn’t winning you any friends here. You’re lucky if people read your work here anymore. You probably don’t care (neither do we, I can assure you) and you will invariably riposte more bile here … please spare us and make sure the door doesn’t hit you too hard on your way out.
    JEEEZZZZ

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    1. Oh God. I saw my feed click in with NS’ reply so I ambled over to check.
      RG I agree with you totally.
      Shoba I know this is your house, but this is getting too much….
      Krish – your ignorance of the subject is sad but understandable. But we are a little community here. We like Shoba and her work, and we have our discussions around various subjects she writes about. We don’t always agree but we never so callously disrespect each other. You don’t understand that credo. I don’t know where you get your arrogance. Is it from your little venture capital company? Please remember we are all successful professionals from all over, and we don’t flaunt it like this.
      I can’t remember anyone so spectacularly offending so many people as you have done. You insulting Mr. NS (of all people) is just unacceptable. I say this with great restraint.
      Go. Away. Please.

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      1. Vinay, my reply was not to NS, it was to Naina and I had indicated that.

        You feel offended because you had no substance to offer. I can’t help it.

        And I don’t have to `flaunt’ my company anywhere. It is well perched up in circles where it matters. May you rest in peace.

        Thanks.

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    2. Krish – sorry, but you are a wretched pervert if you think I (or any other woman) was singing lullabies to you or getting you off to sleep. It is clear where your misogynistic roots come from. Hopefully you won’t have to face a day when a balding middle-aged pervert is leching at your daughter.
      RG, Vinay, I am in total agreement with you. We don’t need losers like him here.

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        1. Krish, you simply don’t get it. Leave Naina alone. Nobody among the regulars is interested in your views. Repeating and reposting is childish and creating a stink. You are older than us except perhaps NS. Do the mature thing and leave.
          Sorry Shoba I know you wanted comments closed but it is irritating that this cantankerous man is still after Naina even after his insulting and denigrating posts.

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        2. Krish, read all these comments above. Everyone is done with you especially after the mean and perverted things you said to me. Sorry to say this but even after receiving so many chappals why are you still hanging around?

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  2. Shoba I got to say I am surprised to hear you say the global definition is a “cop out”. Why do you feel this way? The feminist movement has made real tangible progress here (US) – thanks to the activism of the masses we have legislation and federal funding for serious women’s diseases and women/family issues. Just as a little example, secure women’s shelters for battered women (federal program we helped lobby for) has made a life-and-death difference for the abandoned and frightened women who otherwise would simply be dead. I grant you there’s less of it in India (or it’s less visible).

    Remember that I’m not taking away from “how people feel individually about feminism” which is contextual. All I said was that the classical definition is about real work that makes a real difference.

    Shoba – if a feminist group called on you, as a celebrity writer, to start a phon-a-thon to raise money for the Delhi rape girl foundation, would you do it?
    Krish – would you do it? (Yes or No will suffice. I don’t want your faux-Aristotelian big-word loquacious reply.)

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    1. Vinay, you’re so rightfully rattled like all other loud mouthed activist. That is the bane of activism as opposed to popular theory that stresses on quietly delivering results on the ground. And I exercise my right to ignore your conditional inventory especially since it’s you who seek my opinion out. .

      Like Shoba wisely puts it, Feminism is entirely contextual. Quit quizzing that. Fund-raisers and Foundations are a western concept. It works in areas where legislation is the need of the hour. For example, In India, we have laws for practically everything but little enforcement. Movements may add to laws but won’t guarantee enforcement. Smart people work the system or work through it. Without any help from feminist induced policy packs, ICICI / Axis Bank top deck has its fair share of women and men are not complaining… Just this morning, I read an interview in TOI (Ascent) supplement where Kalpana Morparia, Ex-COO ICICI Bank and currently CEO of J.P.Morgan (India) has declared glass ceiling as a pure myth….!!!

      Hence I would rather identify more with result oriented`inactivism’ than phone-a-thon type activism that just helps boost the revenues of telcos. Think Gandhiji’s Non-Cooperation movement based on principle of Non-Violence where refusal-to-acquiesce thwarted empires instead of shriekathons or slogan shouting hoi polloi.

      Thanks for your kind words. I enjoyed reading you.

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      1. Krish how can you say fund-raisers and foundations are a western concept? What they don’t exist in India? What do you call the Dorab Tata Trust and Arghyam? You rubbished the feminist movement and are now offering some different views saying “activism won’t work”. How do you know this? Have you actually done any work for the feminist movement in India??
        Your nihilist view of “I am Krish and I am right (though I have not done anything myself)” has no basis of evidence or argument. I wish it was pure nonsense but for the fact that It really just sounds like “Mommy save me from these beatings”…..

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        1. Naina, A little correction. `Activism won’t work’ has not been my spiel here, my argument has been that activism can’t guarantee enforcement unless perceptions are changed. And change in perceptions will happen only through gradual intellectual refinement. Please go back and check my earlier comments (if I may say so) without further hurting your ego any further.

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          1. Now you are contradicting yourself totally Krish. I think NS had it correctly – you don’t really have any knowledge or experience in this area yet you show up and bellyache about something where you don’t have any evidence to offer.
            Go to bed, please, would you? I’m done here…

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            1. I knew you were totally out of steam long back… You switched out, then switched back in and now using me to chicken out.. Thanks for the lullaby that came so late… 🙂

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              1. (Sigh)
                Krish – I thought I’m pretty moderate on these discussions, but I have to say I do not see you offering a constructive point of view here. I have a teenage daughter too. It’s sad to see someone your age (our age really) get down to bickering the way you have.
                I feel sorry for you, but wish you well anyway.

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                  1. Krish: I’ve been in your position where you think everyone is ganging up on you. My approach was to stop responding and steam in private. Naina called me on it. But I think, for everyone’s sake, we need to take a break from this subject…because it is a waste of everyone’s time. You aren’t changing their minds and they aren’t changing yours. I am closing this thread, folks (don’t know how to do it 🙂 but want to.)

                    Everybody– and especially Krish. Please use an app called “Self Control” and put this blog on your black-list. Don’t come back for a few days. Thanks.

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      2. You just proved my point Krish. If you think the movement is just noise (though you yourself know nothing about it and are doing nothing about it) then why bother with some nonsense term like “result oriented inactivism”? Sounds just a fanciful way of saying “I vote for doing nothing”.
        You can see Shoba is prepared to do something about it “with bells on”. She is prepared to take action. All you seem to want to do is wear choodiyan and clap your hands from the sidelines. So I suggest slink away now and go nurse your wounds… hehe!

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        1. Wow Vinay!! Great timing!! Chuckling hard because of the choodiyan comments — in a different context … think nuisance on traffic signals, well suited to our malcontent Krish!!!! Hahahaha!!

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        2. Oh My God what is going on here! Guys (V, N) come on now … let us learn to be tolerant of everyone’s view even if they don’t agree with us all the time.
          Krish – they do make a reasonable point. They are involved and doing work for the cause even if it is not in India. On the other hand it’s not clear that you have spent much time on the subject of feminism … so I’m not sure there is a basis for saying it is noise or giving suggestions as to what will or will not work.
          BTW – Vinay/Naina – Krish’s point about enforcement is accurate. (In fact Vinay I think you posted something about this in the Delhi rape comments somewhere too..)
          There is probably a cultural overtone here. “Activism” in India is a loud and boisterous activity whereas in the US it is quite different. If you have attended a real feminist rally (I went to one at Vassar) you will see it is actually fairly peaceful and gets fairly quickly to negotiating the issue at hand. Very different from the Baba Ramdev / Mamata Banerjee -esque stunts and fasting and slogan-crying.
          At any rate simply posting abstruse and caustic comments against some subject is not really advancing anything… The phon-a-thon is not a bad start. Can we think of other ideas that will actually advance the cause of feminism in India??

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        3. That’s a nice way to bow out, doing some thinking on my behalf yet not bothering about accuracy. If that saves your face, so be it. Good day to you.

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  3. Shoba congrats on NYTimes Blog! Nice!

    However I am not sure if PTJ was mocking anyone or referring to a journalist/immigration-lawyer/fashion when he made his comments. The other columnist has probably taken his comments off context. (But having said that I’ll admit that his comment was unnecessary.)

    I am also not sure that “none of us soccer moms went back to work” is universal. It may be accurate in your situation and circle perhaps – but just remember there are many millions of women who have supportive workplaces when kids come and when kids grow up. The couples you mention (Wharton MBA and whatnot) are probably the exception rather than the rule.

    I am personally offended that the other NYTimes blogger (Kell?) wrote about maternity leave and quitting. Even as a woman I would be skeptical about hiring someone who I strongly feel is likely to have a baby and is not honest about it during the interview. One really has to question the sanity of a woman who, at 7 months pregnancy, applies for the job of a day-trader or air-traffic controller or trial lawyer. (Excuse me, your honor, while I go puke before I make closing statements.) There are other jobs that are more supportive and a better fit anyway.

    Women quitting jobs over kids is a personal choice. The tough ones (Sandberg’s Lean Ins) find a way to come back to work. Others for their own reasons give up. Shoba I don’t know if you as a firebrand feminist should be celebrating the fireside nursing mother. Shouldn’t you be saying, instead, that the nursing mother can and should choose to go back if she wants???
    (Disclaimer – I am a US MBA management consultant with no kids. But when I do have kids I fully intend to go back to work and do the best I can in both worlds.)

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    1. Naina I can’t agree more.

      Shoba you keep calling yourself a “firebrand feminist” so I am surprised that you found contentment with “mediocre brew and forg[ing] [mediocre] connections” with other women (also firebrand feminists?) who had “given up”? As Naina says, perhaps many women do give up, but equally many women do go back to work.

      But your story (or your friends) has no element of a feminist struggle. No narrative of “we won’t be content with sub-par coffee, we will find other women who found ways to make it work, and make it work for ourselves”. No real “firebrand” of a campaign for continued independence. Instead it is a bunch of burnt-out embers talking about a fire-and-feminism that once was.

      An astute observer may be tempted to ask this. The past is gone for its past reasons (housekeeper or nanny or whatever else). But what in heck is Shoba still doing today writing about keeping house and keeping cows? Now that she has the support of a driver and cook and cleaner and whatnot, why isn’t she out looking for a job? If the fire has really gone out then what business does she have continuing to call herself a “feminist” anymore?

      With all due apologies for any unintended offense…

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        1. Shoba firstly let me say I am the treasurer and webmaster of a NYC feminist association. My “definition” of feminism is exactly the classic definition i.e. the theory of social/political/economic equality of women. So, “whosoever struggles to further feminism” is a feminist – again classical definition not my own.

          “Firebrand feminist” sounds like a misnomer of sorts. Many young women in their teens or early twenties take the standard curve i.e. discovered feminism (hopefully not from a lesbian couple), read everything they could, and thereafter became vocal (but only just vocal) about it. Steinem herself once remarked at a college lecture that feminism is actually activism, so those who did not really act (struggle) need not bother with the label. (Since I believe in the movement AND work for the NYC chapter I rightly call myself a feminist.)

          In one sense this is a political ideology also. Can you call yourself a Congress supporter merely because you read-write-talk the ideology? No. The party won’t issue you a card for that. But if you do real party work then you can rightly call yourself a Congress supporter.

          Having said that I will also say I applaud you for your feminist views and anyone reading this blog or your other work will know that your belief in the movement is genuine. I am hoping you are able to join a Bangalore feminist group – an activist group, not just group meetings and tinker-talks – and really support the work of the movement.

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      1. Vinay, why do you (and Naina) think one shout get back to work to assert their Feministic leanings…? It is equally assertive enough to have the liberty to choose not to get back to work as well. What Shoba has taken affront to is Tudor Jones assessment of nursing mothers as ineffective at their work stations after they deliver their babies. But as an employer, he has the right to form an opinion after performance appraisal that cannot be objected to at all, because he cuts their pay checks – is what needs to be recognized.

        Just my two cents..

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        1. Dachu my point on feminism is that one should be ‘active’ in the feminist movement to call themselves a feminist. (The context of the article is to work i.e. equality in the work place. So not showing up is clearly not an option.)
          It looks like you agree with me on the second point i.e. PTJ (really any manager) pays employees so manager decides how well the employee performs in the job. So there is no real need for taking affront on it.

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    2. Naina: part of the fun and curse of op-ed writing is to find an angle that is not written about and then stick to it, even if narrow. I think that is what happens. Also, aren’t most of us firebrands in our youth before we all mellow? Per that Vonnegut essay.

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    3. Naina, Vinay, I can see that both of you are very persistent but I fail to grasp what exactly you are still after, so much has been discussed already.

      After reading Tudor Jones article what first comes to my mind is, why is this man, obviously educated and accomplished, still saying “women cannot do this”. If he were truly progressive shouldn’t he be talking about ways how women “can and should” go about it?? Instead his silly comments earn him nothing but contempt from everywhere.

      To me this is the most appalling part of it.

      Now, Vinay and Naina, I am still not sure what you are after. Your ‘Act 1’, exploring the roots of Shoba’s choices, was interesting with lots of good exchanges. And Shoba has openly and graciously admitted her choices and thus signaled the end of a good Act 1. But you guys seem to still be writing, almost sniping, about her labels and choices etc. long after Act 1? Also remember that Shoba did do a very brave and feminist thing, against all odds, by coming to America (for studies). (BTW also remember this is ultimately Shoba’s blog so she can call herself the Queen Of All Fiery Writing if she wants.)

      One thing I could see in you Vinay is your part about “still writing about keeping cows and house” which I agree with as well.

      Shoba I think your regular audience has had its fill of your staple work on R2I and past choices, Indian aesthetic and housekeeping etc. and is looking for something new. Have you done anything professionally new lately – taken another “2-day fling” or visited a new place or whatever else? I am sure we would love to read about it.

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  4. Hello Shoba – You are right. There are things in life that are vastly more important, and more meaningful, than being a simple trader. Motherhood, is right at the top of that list. Moreover, being a world class mother to a child is also vastly more difficult than trading Surely, any Mom knows that. Well done. B

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  5. Congratulations Shoba!!! I really loved it and how true it is when you say “I do believe that this connection mothers share with their children gives them intangible, immeasurable fulfillment”. Nothing in this world can match that feeling I believe!!

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  6. …But for the touchy feminist in you, this Tudor Jones piece wouldn’t have even been noticed… Now it gets read and even commented on. Now I know why the expression `feminism’ doesn’t even have an antonym – Feminists bury themselves. They are so busy trying to even it out with men without realizing that it is a futile, apples and oranges comparison. It is a significant channel, a sort of women energy exhaust that men don’t have for good. They conserve all the time for much better somethings.

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    1. Krishna the idea of feminism is limited to the political, social and economic equality. It is not about proving women equal to men like apples and oranges. Rather it is about the fact that an apple tree should get the same amount of space (political, economic, social) as an orange tree.

      Feminists world over to address various issues that, even today, restrict the freedom of women. It is not a useless exhaust of energy, it is a struggle for equality. Men should know that. Well meaning men should join the cause.

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      1. You missed the point, Navrang… That A to O comparison I made was in reference to the same earth over which both sprout, except that they suit themselves to varied soil and weather patterns. Each one seek out the domain of their choice just like a creeper takes to the nearest tree, and not that one is always out to displace the other.

        That said, to truly support the lot of women, I don’t show up at the nearest Feminist haunt and be its card carrying member. I know better. All I have to do is to let women experience true freedom, freedom to roam anywhere, do whatever, any hour as they liked (just as men do) , wearing any costume of their choice, having to fear no mugger, molester or a rapist. And I invariably know to scoff at inept priestly spiels like “that girl got raped because she dressed provocatively” by asking “So what…Whatever happened to your own morality, buster…?” Or better still, if I find a scantily clad women outside at a late hour, I revel being an elitist and deservedly honorable member of the society that grants her those liberties, instead of playing the culture police that blames it all on the poor thing that just acted her instinct..

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        1. Krish I think you said that feminists bury themselves “trying to even it out with men” which was a futile comparison. Navrang’s point was right on message of real feminism. Feminism needs much much more than “feelings” and “letting” women do and dress as they want. Also, it is unfortunate there are those who think we all “carry cards” and hang out at “haunts”. This is not true. Feminism is a political activism. We need your help to lobby, participate in activism and ultimately help legislate policy. Help does not mean morcha and nara-bazi. You can also help with financial support and participation through your own means.

          It is not just “feelings”. We need action.

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          1. Naina, when we adopt a democratic, egalitarian approach to women, where is the need for activism under a banner… ?

            The danger in supporting a “movement” the way you suggest is that it comes loaded with self-pity or seeking unfair advantage by the ineligibles – that killed the initial sympathy the movement gathered…(harking back to the arrogated symbolisms of “Burn the Bra”… ) Much worse, it takes a political overtone and I detest that.

            I prefer gradual societal transformation that happens through intellectual refinement that can never be brought about by policy directives. We have enough laws already that are in fact abused by the authorities. It’s enforcement what we lack. While the activists’ intention may be altruistic, the ones that spearhead the queue for the benefits are the most ineligible ones that seek the shelter offered by the policy to cover their inadequacies. And that’s something that I am loath to as well.

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            1. Krish, the problem is that we are not currently adopting a democratic and egalitarian approach to women.
              You say you prefer gradual societal transformation through intellectual refinement. Remember that the ERA sat in “intellectual refinement” for 50 years until GS and co pushed it through. If you were a father in the 40s or 50s you would watch your daughter fritter her adult life without equal-work-equal-pay waiting for “intellectual refinement” that, like Godot, never came. (I am sure you’re smart enough not to commit the mistake of saying ERA was about our inadequacies and claiming through self-pity what isn’t rightfully ours.)
              Problem supporting the movement – hello, the movement is in its 44th-odd year and we have quite enough people in the peanut gallery and pebble beach. We passed ERA, new education and funded healthcare procedures but there is still a ton of work. We still need help. If you are happy by your armchair then that’s cool. We’ll continue doing this the old fashioned way. We women will organize, we will legislate and we will win with or without intellectual refinement.

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              1. Naina, I see where you come from. As a father of a 17 year young girl, I’ve been successful enough to raise her as a self-starter in that she is capable of analyzing her career orientations and is certainly in no mood to grumble. She knows for sure as long as she excels in her field, she’ll be in demand and can enjoy the glass ceilings in office as a piece of prismatic decorative than to live in constant paranoia of men upstaging her at every turn.

                You may freely attribute the ascendance of women to the 44 odd year toil of Feminist movement, but I don’t have to buy none of it. Talented people, be it man or woman, have always gone where they had wanted to (or else the merit seeking world finds them), but it’s the mediocre lot that is forever in over-supply that needs movements to advance their weak cause. And I am not the armchair critic that you envisage, I promote entrepreneurship by converting whiners into doers. And I certainly don’t fund movements that creates nothing besides noise.

                Thanks.

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                1. Krish, it’s clear you know very little about the feminist movement and yet you rubbish it and call it the unjust cry (nothing but noise) of the mediocre against the talented and you have publicly stated you don’t support the feminist movement. (BTW the whole point of a glass ceiling is that you can’t see it and it’s everywhere. If it was a “prismatic decorative” you could see it.) I just hope your daughter remembers this when she reads about Nellie Bly and Rosa Parks at school.

                  Shoba- where the heck are you ??? You gonna let this guy hang around and get another drink?

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                  1. Naina 🙂
                    I am watching this spirited banter from the sidelines. Till it gets vulgur or creepy or ugly– name calling and such, I can’t bop people off.
                    You ought to write an essay about feminism. Your view of it. And post it here. I am struggling with it, which is why I asked Vinay for his definition. But the global definition is a cop-out (sorry, Vinay) because the way feminism plays out is entirely contextual.

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                    1. @ Naina – That crybaby spiel says it all… I read it as M…O…M…M…y….!!!

                      My point is just that if the aim of the Feminist movement is to bring about gender equality or to end gender discrimination, it can’t be brought about by legislation or mass movements. Prejudices are matters of perception and as such it has to be weeded out intellectually and not by force.

                      You are an activist and have all the liberty to lose your cool. I am a businessman and I can afford to lose nothing. Not even my temper.

                      Thanks.

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                  2. Naina, your frustration is understandable. It happens to every activist somewhere along the way. For every successful movement, there are thousands that fail because the members can’t endure it to the last mile. You could use some grace while bowing out or go on making my day like you just did. Thanks.

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                    1. Krish what are you talking about failure? I am proud to be a part of the feminist movement which is going on quite strong (after 44 years) in spite of people like you. We have Sheryl Sandberg as a speaker next month… that’s what makes my day. You need to get your head out of the sand man.

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  7. Hey Shoba,
    Story of my life. 🙂 My ex-colleagues who knew me as a thorough professional making it in the mad-mad world of Hindi TV news (despite of being a Tam-bram) continue to be surprised. They wonder how I could settle for a life bringing up my boys. They imagine I am married to a very rich guy and couldn’t care for the cash a job would bring (couldn’t be further from the truth). When I get a small assignment, they feel relieved. Like they can talk to me now without guilt. Wonder what it is? I still think I have ideas on how to take a particular piece of news forward. Comments on news gathering. Yet, I am home and asking my kids to eat their breakfast …

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