“My husband is a busy lawyer and if I don’t stay home with the kids, the house will fall apart.”
“When my husband joined a fintech firm, I quit my job. I didn’t like my projects anyway. The kids are getting older and they need at least one parent to check on their classes, extracurriculars and grades.”
“Most days, I am fine being at home. I have a busy social life and lots of hobbies and interests. But there are days when I wake up and think, “What the heck am I doing with my life?”
India has among the lowest participation of women in the workforce. Every time I heard a woman say the above lines, I would think to myself—was it their lived experience or just excuses? Why aren’t more Indian women going out to work in spite of being highly qualified?
Recently though, I have noticed a happy trend among women in the fifties. They are blossoming in ways that even they could not have predicted.
Take Shailaja Jayaraman, my friend and neighbour. After raising her two daughters in the US and later in India as a stay-at-home Mom, she started – and now has – a busy college counselling practice, all of which took off once she turned 50. “It keeps me young and relevant,” says Shailaja when I ask her to list the pleasures of her chosen profession. As for the challenges, she says, “Imposter syndrome.”
Now this is a phrase that is particularly used with women, even though it affects men too. It is the feeling that you are not good enough for what you do, and that someone will find you out for the fake that you are. It is a burden that women carry when they speak out in the boardroom or in meetings—that their voices are not as important. The way women overcome this is by working twice as hard at their jobs and trying to deliver 200%. But here is an interesting phenomenon: imposter syndrome goes down as you age, and this is particularly true of women (and men) who re-enter the workforce later in life.
What is it about women over 50 that makes them particularly suited for entering or re-entering the workforce? Perhaps the largest impetus is the mind-space that older women gain once their children are grown and gone. The second reason could have to do with hormones. Sure, peri- and post-menopausal women have to deal with hot flashes and mood swings. But one advantage that age gives women is a certain confidence that comes from not having to prove anything to anybody. Some call this wisdom, others call it strength, or acceptance. “When I was young, I felt like I had to prove every little thing to my parents, spouse, in-laws and the world. Now, the elders are gone, my kids are in college, my spouse accepts me, and I feel more comfortable in my own skin,” said one 56-year-old woman. Whatever the reason, older women are ripe for entering the workplace because they have the quiet confidence that plays out well in most work situations.
Then why aren’t more women doing this? Why aren’t more women seeking out flexible jobs that give them purpose and keep them young? To me, there are several things that women have to overcome in order to go outside their home for a job. Many of my friends don’t know what they want to do. A lifetime of staying home has allowed them the freedom and flexibility to dabble in many things but they don’t know how to convert it into a career. One Mumbai friend loves history, sings Hindustani music, and is a trained tarot card reader. “How do I make a career out of this?” she asks, throwing up her hands in distress. Hiring a career coach can help these women isolate a marketable skill from the range of interests and activities that they have engaged in.
The other reason could be testosterone — or lack thereof. I remember reading an article in Self magazine years ago where a woman injected herself with testosterone for two months and documented the changes that occurred in her psyche. Two words stood out for me from that article: focus and ferocity. Having testosterone in your body gives you the advantage of intense focus and a certain ferocity. Often, women believe that they don’t have these qualities. They may go to the gym with rigour and discipline but are intimidated by the prospect of taking on a new job that will require them to show up at the office every day. Overcoming this requires a little handholding and confidence-building.
The third reason has to do with guilt. No matter what you say, a job takes its toll. You may not be physically or emotionally available to your family in the way that you were. This may cause resentment and marital stress. “It is a new rhythm and the whole family needs to get used to it,” says Shailaja. “I may be physically present in the house but on calls. At the end of the day, I may not be as emotionally available as I used to be. All this takes adjustment.”
Another newly-working 55-year-old woman puts it this way, “My husband has held intense high-level jobs and wants to retire. I want to ramp up. Both of us need to adjust to this new reality.”
The rewards of taking on a job, project, assignment or gig for a woman in her fifties are rich though. If you are one of those women, who has fulfilled her parental and familial responsibilities and who is yearning to take on a new challenge, perhaps you should act on this and take a first step. It will keep your mind agile. You will feel empowered and confident. You will stay relevant. And guess what, you like be terrific at the job you choose to join. What are you waiting for? Take a chance on yourself.
Very thoughtful article!